I was a sheltered child, naive to the workings of the world and its people. Generational trauma has had a chokehold on me since I can remember, and not until my spiritual awakening at twenty-one did I come face to face with this internalized demon. I have spent the last five years learning to rewire my brain, break these cycles, and push myself out of my uncomfortable comfort zone. It has been both healing and traumatic to come face-to-face with demons that have controlled my family for so long.
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Generational trauma is defined by health.com as "trauma that extends from one generation to the next- in response to trauma, people belonging to that group develop physical or psychological symptoms." In layman's terms, generational trauma is psychological damage caused by the passing down of traumatic experiences, often by family. Witnessing alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, neglect, and, for the Hispanic community, machismo are all examples of generational trauma.
Children become adults who seek to find further comfort in the uncomfortable.
The first five years of a child's life are pivotal for their development, and what they witness in their home and around their community is a vital role. Within these years, children learn social & emotional milestones, language & communication, and cognitive skills like learning, thinking, and problem-solving. When children grow up in a toxic environment where domestic violence or addiction is the norm, they grow up to believe that these behaviors and tendencies are normal and valid. If children grow up in an environment where their parents fight constantly, verbally and/or physically, it becomes part of how they view their relationship as adults.
A Mind Map Example of
Generational Trauma
- GRANDPARENTS -
abuse, war, domestic violence, immigration, addiction, PTSD, unemployment, colonization, sexism, sexual abuse, undiagnosed mental illness, negligence of health and medical support
↓
- PARENTS -
immigration, cultural differences, racism, discrimination, language barriers, abuse, lack of or fear of healthcare needs, financial stress, sexism, sexual abuse, aggression, emotional avoidance
↓
- YOU -
people pleasing, lack of boundaries, anxiety, burnout, toxic relationships, racism, internalized prejudice, mental illness, perfectionism, anger, addiction, PTSD
I have learned from experience that communicating childhood traumas is very important in ending the cycles. There is a belief that childhood trauma, generational trauma, and in-house violence are taboo to speak about. I firmly believe that bottling or repressing things only builds and protects a broken foundation. When we give our trauma a name, we are finally able to come to a place of resolution. Identify the trauma, acknowledge it, and work towards healing.
Are you someone with generational trauma?
Here are some of the most common signs:
- Broken relationships with parents/family
- Protecting yourself by isolating
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Chronic pain
- Substance abuse disorders
- Eating disorders
- PTSD
- Insomnia
- Low self-esteem
- Anger issues
- Trust issues
- Shame
Once you've come face to face with your own generational trauma comes healing.
YOU can break the cycle.
Your healing journey starts with you, and your generational trauma ends with you.
Your generational healing starts with you.
You are the core of healing your family moving forward.
How to heal:
1. Dig deep into your family garden and find the root of your own trauma.
- If you no longer have a relationship with your family or have trouble communicating, find your own roots. You don't need a historical deep dive into your ancestry to find the beginning of trauma. Define your own.
2. Acknowledge and accept your trauma.
3. Create an understanding of what needs to be changed. Be open to significant changes and little changes. A question or prompt that could be used to help you evaluate what is needed is, "What did you need as a child from your parents/grandparents/family members?"
4. Practice self-care. Learn what you needed as a child and how you can access that as an adult now. Journal, meditate, spend time alone, and most importantly, rest.
5. The grieving period. Once you come to terms with what you missed as a child, you will feel a sense of loss. Grieve the childhood you deserved. Grieve the parents you deserve. Grieve for the traumas those before you never got to heal from. Grieve, mourn, cry, and fall apart.
Break the foundation of your trauma with a river of tears.
6. Rebuild. This is where you really start. Seek professional support, and communicate through your journey with those you confide in. Give yourself the strength to openly speak about your trauma and your growth.
7. Grow and never stop.
I grew up in a violent home. I had a father who struggled with addictions and a mother who played the role of "submissive Mexican wife." I grew up thinking that all conversations began and ended with violence. I made excuses for my father's addiction. I kept my mother in the shadow my father cast on her because it was familiar. I did not know or understand love growing up because of the sexual abuse I suffered as a child. I was diagnosed with BPD/PTSD right after my eighteenth birthday. The same excuses I made for my father's addiction, I made for my own. As of Friday, November 10, 2023, I am 2 years, 9 months and 17 days sober. My mother no longer lives in the shadows of her trauma. I am healing my own generational trauma.
My inner child finds comfort within me. I have mourned time and time again for her. When I look into my future, I see my son. My son does not know the depths of darkness like I grew up in. I call him my Sun because he shines. There is no shadow hanging over him. He knows no fear, anger, loss, or brokenness. My Sun is light and gives me hope that the cycle that held me captive for so long is finally over. Healing from a curse that has destroyed your family is brutal. It is even worse when you see your siblings fall victim to it, but the freedom of looking in from the outside is liberating. We are the creators of our own futures. I encourage you to take a deep breath and begin your own journey.
H E A L I N G
IS NOT
L I N E A R
Resources to help you in your journey š±
Online Therapy -
Generational Trauma Book Recommendations -
It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
The Pain We Carry by Natalie Y. GutiƩrrez (POC Aimed)
My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem
The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Inner Child Healing Book Recommendations -
Healing Your Wounded Inner Child (Workbook) by Maria Clarke
When You're Ready This Is How You Heal by Brianna Wiest
No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz
Ted Talks - Key Words: Generational Trauma, Machismo, Inner Child Healing
May the Sun, Moon, & stars guide you on your journey.
Hi Isabel, I really enjoyed reading your blog! Your blog beautifully highlights the importance of addressing and breaking the cycle of trauma within families. Your thoughtful analysis and suggestions for healings and resilience are truly inspiring. I liked that you provided a lot of helpful recommendations/ways to heal and much more. I cant wait to read more of your thought-provoking content!
ReplyDeleteHi Isabel,
ReplyDeleteYou had a great blog for this entry and I really enjoyed reading it. Firstly, I want to say that I really love the way your entire blog was organized. From the colors to the photos, and even the places you put your text made it very simple to read and understand. Secondly, I think that you chose a great topic for your blog. A lot of people suffer from generational trauma and it is a serious issue that not many people speak about in today's society, but it definitely needs attention to. I wouldn’t say that I know what it is like to go through something like this, but I know that there are many people out there that do. So, it is great that you are trying to showcase this to us, as well as allowing us to view different methods to break this cycle, and to seek help. Fantastic job this entry, I look forward to reading your next entry!
People can really relate to how openly and bravely you talk about generational trauma. It gives us a moving look into your own healing process. Your openness about the hard things you went through as a child growing up in a violent home, dealing with addiction, and facing the effects of trauma passed down through generations is moving and inspiring. People who are going through similar problems can use the steps you describe to break the loop and help people heal, such as recognizing and accepting trauma and doing the things you need to do for your own health. Your change, which includes being sober for over two years, not only shows that you are strong but it also shows that it is possible to break free from the chains of generational pain. Your story is made more hopeful and inspiring by the picture of your son, your "Sun," shining without the shadow of fear and brokenness. Sharing tools and book suggestions with others shows that you care about people who are going through the same thing. Your journey is a powerful example of how healing doesn't happen in a straight line. It reminds us all that growth and self-discovery are ongoing processes. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story and give others useful tools to start their own healing journeys. Congratulations on your sobriety. I also am in recovery. :)
ReplyDeleteTrina! Congratulations on your recover as well!!!
DeleteHello Isabel, I really enjoyed the topic that you decided to pick when writing this blog. As a pretty sheltered child myself, I understand how hard it can be to get out of your comfort zone because you have been almost babied your whole life. It has been a problem that I have been dealing with for a while now, and I am trying to get better with it as I age but it is still really hard to try new things and open up to new people. It is terrifying to me, and it seems a little stupid when you say it out loud that I am scared of things I haven’t experienced before but it really is terrifying to me. I am so happy that you were able to talk about this topic and it makes me feel heard on how I have been feeling for so many years and no one has been able to understand. I really enjoyed reading your tips, and things that could help and I can’t wait to hear more.
ReplyDeleteHi Isabel, this is another great blog post from you. Taking a stand against the trauma passed down to you, showcases an inspiring resilience. We stop the cycle, we heal, and we build a better future for ourselves and our families. Thank you for sharing such an important story, and I wish you and your son all the best.
ReplyDeleteHi Isabel,
ReplyDeleteI love the set-up of this post and the way it’s organized. I enjoyed seeing someone writing about this, because it’s relatable towards me and I feel like it’s not discussed as much as it should be. I didn’t realize I related to it until I read this post. You gave tons of information about what it is, how it affects people, and how to get some help for it. I love how opening and vulnerable you are about this topic, it shows authenticity and personality. I love how you incorporated how to heal and the additional resources you can use to get help. Amazing work!
Hi Isabel, as soon as I reading the heading for this post, I knew I had to read it. Not only do you cover what generational trauma is, but I love how you mention ways to heal from it. I think it is very important for young adults to be able to recognize if they are affected by this and ways to put up boundaries to protect themselves. I hope that you continue to heal your inner child so that you can break the cycle!
ReplyDelete