Blog #2 Para Todos Los Hombres En Nuestras Vidas (For All The Men In Our Lives)

 Hispanic & Latinx Men and Mental Heath

In part this is a letter to my father, brother, nephews, and son. On the other hand this is a letter to all those interested in learning about mental health and the correlation to Hispanic & Latinx communities. 

I am currently in my freshmen year of college, taking ENG101, thinking it would just be simple assignments and tests that I would have to complete but in turn it's been so much more. One of our essays right now is writing about a singular life changing moment, in writing down a list of the moments that have impacted and changed me as an individual I'm left looking at list full of moments I shared with my father, my brother, and my son. The deeper I dived into picking my writing topic, the more I was able to relive these moments as an adult and see, in full clarity the impact that mental health and generational trauma had on the male members of my family. I didn't even realize before I started doing an analysis of all of it that I am breaking generational curses for my son. The machismo that once deeply affected my family, ends before it can get to my son. 

IMAGE SOURCE

Phoenix Men's Counseling offers this insight, "For Hispanic men, the problem of mental health is very present. Hispanic men die from suicide four times more than Hispanic women, and for young Hispanic people between the ages of 15 to 34, suicide is the second leading cause of death." Looking at these numbers and then looking at my beautiful brown eyed baby boy I am hit with the reality that men in the Hispanic/Latinx community live in silence rather than seek mental health support. 

There are three main factors that allow men to feel more vulnerable in their lifetimes:
1. Stress from immigration and adaptation
2. Discrimination
3. Cultural Expectations

Stress from immigration and adaptation

First and second generation immigrants are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to the cultural reset of migrating. There is no rule book or "how to" manual when it comes to creating your life after leaving your birthplace or the birthplace of your parents. I can't speak for my father or my brother but I can speak to what I saw in both of them. When it came to my father, he was devoted to his roots and not abandoning his culture after immigrating to America but because of that it made him so hesitant to trust what America had to offer. My father crossed the border illegally and lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety, he pushed that fear onto us as his children. For a very long time I didn't even know I was a natural born citizen of the United States because I feared America like him. My father worked in the fields of beautiful California, going straight to work every morning and coming straight home after. He never left the house because there was security in it, it made my perception of the outside world a fearful one. My brother was the opposite, the fear and stress that my father instilled on him made him NEVER want to be home. Seeing my brother at home was a rarity, he dove head first into being an American but the generational trauma and adaptive trauma lived deep within him. I saw it years later, when he had his own son and what my father gave to us - he gave straight to his son, my eldest nephew. 

Discrimination

The stereotypes of hispanic/latinx is one that has countless layers. 

Here are some of the ones I hear often to name a few:

- Men don't cry.

- Men are supposed to fully financially support their families. 

- Men are abusive and emotionless. 

- Men are criminals, often in gangs or end up in prison. 

- Men should not be in touch with their emotions. 

- Men are prone to alcoholism and drug abuse.

The Jim Crow Museum writes about Mexican and Latino Stereotypes, "... they are often seen and portrayed as newly-arrived cultural parasites." Imagine having human feelings and not being able to communicate them, express them, or even acknowledge them, now imagine you're in a brand new world and you're away from family, you're alone, you're scared but you have to suck it up and move past those emotions. You have to work every single day, extra hard because you don't make as much as everyone else but you aren't allowed to be tired, you're not allowed to ask for help in times of struggle or you're seen as smaller than what you are. As a Mexican man you aren't allowed to ask for help because then you fail as a man and as a Mexican. As a Mexican man you can't struggle because it means you failed in your home country and in the new one. 

Cultural Expectations 

"If a man needs to be reliable, tough, capable of standing up for himself, it becomes difficult to recognize feelings of sadness or anxiety because they do not fit this cultural expectation." says Phoenix Men's Counseling. When speaking about Hispanic/Latinx male culture we are met with machismo, Dictionary.com defines machismo as "strong or exaggerated sense of manliness; an assumptive attitude that virility, courage, strength, and entitlement to dominate are attributes or concomitants of masculinity." Hispanic/Latinx men are expected to live up to this expectation. They are expected to be strong, hardworking, emotionless, domineering - these things lead to the normalization of abuse. Without realizing it, the generational curse of machismo creates abusive tendencies, whether that be domestic abuse or the abuse of a substance (alcohol/drugs).

Latinx/Hispanic men do not seek mental health help because of the fear that comes with seeking help, imagine going out and getting support but you're an illegal immigrant and now you've been reported to immigration services. You've failed. Latinx/Hispanic men do not seek mental health help because how can you consider yourself struggling or failing in one country that you abandoned and one that you are seeking refuge in. You failed, twice. Latinx/Hispanic men do not seek mental health help because they are supposed to be strong, resilient, "manly", and being emotional, scared or vulnerable make you the opposite of what our culture has showed you. You've failed.

It is important to break past these curses, to break from what is told is considered "normal" for our people, to walk away from machismo, to end the vicious cycle of self harm if not for ourselves for the next generation. If you identify as male and consider yourself a part of the Hispanic/Latinx community, do not wait until it's too late. Get the help you need now.

Here are some resources for seeking aid: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Therapy for LatinX

Text HOLA to 741741 Crisis Text Line for Spanish Speakers 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 (in English) 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-888-628-9454 (in Spanish)
For those struggling with substance abuse

My papi & me circa 1999

A letter to my papi, 
Your prideful heart has showed me nothing but bravery and strength. You endured struggle and failure in darkness, you hid behind your substance abuse problems, but you never failed us. You never failed me papi but I wish you hadn't failed yourself in the process of protecting and providing for us. 

A letter to my brother, 

You picked up papi's worst attributes and made them your own, you had the chance to make the change needed for all of us to succeed but fell victim to the curses that haunt our people. You still have the opportunity to change, to heal, and to grow. It is never too late. 

A letter to my nephews, 

You are all so different, I already see the changes that you've made to our family. You are in touch with your emotions, you don't follow the cultural norms that haunted us for years. Your strength to move past these without even noticing make me so proud to be your tia. You are each changing the course of our family lineage and pride doesn't begin to explain how I feel about each and every one of you.

My son, My Sun: Women's March 2022

A letter to my son, 

You are only seven but you are so already healing so much of my own generation trauma. You dance, you play with every toy (not just male targeted toys), you wear pink, you stop to smell the flowers, you cry, you laugh, and you live so freely. If there is anything I do in this life, I will teach you the strength of healing, the pride you should have in your vast emotions, the pride you should have in your culture, and that I love you, no matter who you are or who you become. 

If you need help, find it. Please.

Side Note: Feliz Dia de la Independencia Mexicana! Siempre voy amar mi Mexico lindo.